Overthinking....Take Thirty-Three
- addi0691
- Feb 8
- 5 min read
Everything that I AM, everything that I have learnt, or have experienced, has led me to be the person I AM today.
Every single thing has guided me to have this mindset, work ethic, morality, and self-sense.
I bring humor to a lot of situations. I take in a lot of things quietly. But if called for, I can be heard.
Why am I saying this?
Because:
This blog is about growing –
This blog is about accepting myself –
This blog is honestly here to help me make sense of my thoughts, dog training, and view points.
I want to talk about overthinking today.
The kind of overthinking and overanalyzing that I do.
In general whenever someone points out something that I did, whether positively or negatively, I start overthinking.
I cling to the words people say.
People who are my friends and family.
I trust them wholeheartedly. So when they say something about me I cannot let it go.
I am stuck. Stuck like glue - or however that song goes. Is it a song?
The most recent example that I have of overthinking happened a few weekends past.I had a training day for my herding friends up here at my farm. My mentor brought up another ram, Kevin (North Country Cheviot ram), as a companion for my NCC ram Gomer, who keeps smashing in his head and my gates.
The interaction that started my overthinking was happening around my main gate being frozen to the ground, and everything had failed by the time my mentor arrived. My backup idea was to just have Kevin walk into the paddock from the small side gate with the help of us and the dogs.
Simple.
That is what dogs are for.
Right?
Well my mentor did not see it that way at all. He found a way to make the main gate unstuck and altogether disagreed with my plan of how I wanted to move Kevin. After some discussion, it was decided to back up the trailer to the barn entrance, maneuver Gomer around and without him escaping have Kevin enter the ram enclosure.
I asked whether my mentor wanted help backing up the trailer, but he denied on the grounds that I had a bad reputation, and he did not trust me.
I don’t think those exact words and order were used, but that is how it is stuck in my brain:
“My mentor did not trust me, because I had a bad reputation.”
WHAT?
My brother-in-law used to say that I am quite good at guiding him backwards towards the hitch or backing up a trailer. Quite good aka not bad.
So to hear that my mentor no longer trusted me when he had previously hurt. And not just hurt, it had a foothold in my overthinking because what if it was right? What if I am no good?
I mean, I am writing this multiple weeks later, and I am still turning it over in my mind.
What happened that he suddenly did not trust me anymore? What did I do wrong? Is it because of the trailer damage? Because that was not my fault, I did not drive and I did not give directions when we picked up Emma’s sheep.
Is my mentor upset about the gate damage from my brother-in-law’s wide trailer? I suggested that we should move the post and gates so the trailer would not hit anything. It would have fit.
But no, my brother-in-law did not want that and tried to make the trailer fit, but catching the bottom of the gate and pulling it apart. I am not driving so I have to trust everybody's judgement. But now I am untrustworthy because of the misjudgment of others?
So why this seeming sudden change in my mentor’s attitude towards me? And is it just backing that is no longer trusted or is there more? How about my training day? It was an utter disaster, with my sheep just behaving awfully. I do not think that it was enjoyable for everyone. Especially those more serious about training. My sheep ran into the woods multiple times and did not stay in the field or behave like they have ever seen a dog before. They literally turned on every dog, especially 168 challenged every dog AND ran away.
She literally booked it to the far end of the field, leaving behind her two friends. The
two friends, Eileen-179 and 196, then took off after 168. Once rejoined with her friends, 168 led everyone into the woods. It was frustrating, annoying and aggravating. I really wanted to sell my sheep.
In short: It was a mess.
To further state how much of a mess the day really was, this is what happened next:
Bella and I had shedded off three lambs to be worked, before heading out to get Eileen, 196, and 168 back. I had set up a gate and a makeshift barn door inside the barn separating the shedded lambs from the flock. Proud of this accomplishment, I put my mentor in charge to get people training and headed out to bring back 168 and her friends.
168, 196 and Eileen had navigated the woods skillfully and out-tricked the dogs, but after some persuasion we had them back out in the field heading towards the barn. Bella worked well with Ness, who was worked by her owner, on driving the ewes in a controlled manner towards the barn.
I noticed from afar that no one was working. So once closer, my mentor reported that my wether (male sheep no balls) had gotten stuck in the gate that had separated the shedded lambs from the flock. He had moved it all over the place, then trapped himself between the wall and the gate with his head stuck. All the sheep got back together.
Wanting to work sheep, my mentor had shedded three sheep off and closed the main gate to the barn.
The sheep were leaving the paddock with Jack, my mentor’s border collie, following at a considerable distance. The sheep took one step past the gate however, and reared left into the woods.
Another group of sheep in the woods.
Gathering myself, I told everyone to work the sheep we had just brought back and set out to gather another set of sheep from the woods.
So, let’s talk about the mess this training day was:
Yes, in some aspects, it was great training, because you simply had to work with your dog. It was not great training for trails. It was dirty farm work. I think all the dogs loved it - I know Bella and Emma slept amazing that night.
But what a mess - I keep going back to that - what a mess.
What an utter mess - and what are people thinking? Are they going to come back? Are they going to tell people that my sheep are insane and not to be trained or trailed on? Do I need to change my entire flock so I can actually hold clinics and trails at some point?
So what do I do?
Is it me?
Should I change?
What should I do?
And that is how I overthink.
Happy Training.
Addi and Her Girls
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